But I stayed at a 12-room place called Villa Lena in Tuscany recently. It totally broke my brain. Now the idea of staying at a massive resort just sounds exhausting.

Getting there was awful, though. Like, actively terrible. It’s out near this medieval village called Palaia, and if you haven't driven off the highway in Italy before... well, the roads aren't really roads. They're more like paved goat paths.

Somewhere outside Pontedera, my phone lost service completely. The drive up the dirt road took an hour in the pitch black. I had to reverse into the bushes a few times just to let other cars pass. Finding the actual driveway took forever.

I was fully expecting a lobby. You know the drill—hand off the keys, stand in a line, wait for a plastic keycard.

There wasn't a lobby. There wasn’t a desk.

When I parked, someone just walked over and grabbed my bag. He walked me up to the room and didn't even ask for a credit card. He didn't do the whole "welcome to our historic property" speech. He just pointed at the espresso machine, said breakfast was at eight, and left.

Whole thing took under three minutes.

The Reality of Older Buildings

The room was... basically just wood and plaster. It’s an old agricultural building, which means the floors creak. A lot. You literally wake up the whole room just walking to the bathroom at night.

Also, no AC. You cool the room by throwing the huge wooden windows open. It works, but obviously, bugs exist. A mosquito got in immediately. I spent the first night fighting it, and then because the windows were still open, a bunch of birds started screaming at 5 AM anyway.

They also shut everything down early. The kitchen completely shuts down at 9:30. I ended up eating random biscuits out of my bag at midnight because there's no room service or TV.

Coffee and Salty Pasta

Next morning, I walked down to the village to grab coffee. I found this tiny spot on the main road in Palaia. It’s literally just a counter and a beat-up espresso machine. I dropped a euro on the counter, drank my shot, and headed back up the hill.

I killed the entire afternoon at the pool. The place was totally dead. There was only one other couple there all afternoon. It was completely quiet.

Dinner was just out on the patio. No menus. The guy doing the cooking just walked over to our table and said they were making Pici pasta with cheese and pepper. That was it. If you wanted chicken, too bad.

I took the pasta and whatever house red wine they had open.

The pasta was heavy and a little salty. I still ate the whole bowl. It was just a basic meal.

The Grocery Store

I went back down to Palaia the next afternoon to find food. The village grocery store is just one room. I got some chips and a pack of cookies. The woman working there just pointed at the register screen to show me the price. I paid and drove back up the hill. The hotel kitchen closed early again. I had chips for dinner.

Washing Clothes

There are no laundry machines. I washed a shirt in the sink with some hand soap. It dried completely stiff over the window frame. I just put it on the next morning.

Checking Out

I packed up my bag on the third morning. Checking out took a minute. The host was drinking coffee at a table.

I walked over and said I was leaving. He just tapped my card on an iPad. He gave me a receipt. That was the whole process.

I tossed my bag in the rental. Going down the hill is faster during the day. I finally got my cell service back when I hit the main highway near Pontedera.

Booking Directly

By the end of the weekend, I actually really liked the lack of overbearing service. They don't wash your towels every day unless you dump them on the floor. They just leave a big glass bottle of water in the room so you aren't fighting with tiny plastic bottles.

If you want to stay at places like this, skip Expedia. I literally just Google the hotel and email the front desk.

I'll send something like: "Hey, saw a rate of 100 on Expedia for these dates. Any chance I can just book directly with you guys?"

You'd be surprised how often they say yes just to dodge the platform commission fees. It doesn't always work. Sometimes they say no, or the rate is identical. Once in a while I’ve gotten a slightly better room out of it, but don't count on it. I’ve even done this by sliding into a hotel's Instagram DMs.

It feels weirdly informal, but I've had pretty decent luck doing it.